Something big and strange is floating through the Chukchi Sea between Wainwright and Barrow.
Hunters from Wainwright first started noticing the stuff sometime probably early last week. It's thick and dark and "gooey" and is drifting for miles in the cold Arctic waters, according to Gordon Brower with the North Slope Borough's Planning and Community Services Department.
I think I know what it is. The scientific term is "mucosa terrestrium", but it's basically the chewy nougat leaking from the outer mantle of the earth through a bad gasket, and floating to the surface of the crust. This happens only every few hundred million years or so, but when it does it's a bit of a problem. The leak will worsen until the gasket is replaced, and if it's neglected too long then it will eventually cover most of the earth's marine surface. The last time this happened the dinosaurs couldn't agree on how to finance the repairs, and their inaction cost them their lives.
A project of this size can be tackled only by the federal government. Nancy Pelosi, please queue this up as justification for a second or third stimulus package.
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